26 July 2009

Escape

i feel like i've been losing myself lately. usually when i get like this, i dont have much trouble picking myself back up. but it all seems so heavy still, even though i feel like i'm aimlessly floating around... i guess there's nothing left to do but just feel it and understand it until it passes.

i can honestly say, i feel like this current mood came from my frustration and uncertainty of ex-lovers and friends who i thought i was much closer to. it makes me sad that i feel this way.

though, today, i spent 2 hours walking through quiant towns to better collect myself. i thought about mistakes and things i regret from my past, and tried to come to terms with myself to better understand how to forgive myself and be okay with it all.

i briefly talked about this with my friend today, and she said to me: "...indulge in your own company. please enjoy the spirit of yourself today. i hope you feel refreshed after your journey."


photo by Eiki Mori.

12 comments:

Amanda Nicole said...

I completely agree. Taking time out for yourself is so worth-while. I like to take a very long walk along the shore and when I return home I feel lighter.

Christian Castillo said...

That's how I live. My motto is: Put yourself first. It's helped with hard things but it also makes me feel selfish but I really try not to be. Just when it comes to feeling safe it's always better well at least for me in the end.

I'm just in this sucky mood and I envy your walk. I'd really like to go out and just walk right now but my neighborhood kind of sucks for that. I wanna take my iPod and run and my phone and if I have enough courage text the people I so desperately want to talk and clear things with. Who knows maybe even call them.

I understand that was a complete huge rant on your comments, sorry. But your post helped me get that out, thanks :)

Jeca said...

I go through that phase too. But that's what's good at it. It's only a phase. And you'll get back to your real self eventually.

Vanessa said...

I hear you. I've been going through it too. Trying to move on from a relationship I thought was it, dealing with living far away from home, not knowing what I want, hating single life and... about to hit 30 :-)
My dad always tells me that he didn't find real happiness until he made the decision to just live for himself and do all the things he really wanted to do with his life. So that's what Im trying to do. And it sounds like you're on that track too.
You'll get there :-)

danica said...

i've felt like this at times too. i think the best thing is to spend time with yourself while doing the things that you enjoy. i'm sure it will pass :)

Luuworld said...

i can relate to that feeling. you can never fully and truly rely on other people to make you happy, because people don't always do what you want.

i think it's better to learn to be truly happy in your own company. and if you really are content with yourself and your lot, then i think people will like hanging out with you more.

anyway...

thanks for stopping by my blog and for leaving all those comments. appreciate it!

and to answer your question, i speak vietnamese (my parents were very strict about speaking only vietnamese at home when i grew up), norwegian (which is my most fluent language since i speak, read and write it every day), english (i've lived in australia and england) and japanese (i spent a year there as an exchange student in high school. i also love japanese stuff- that's why i'm a fan of your blog!)

take care! hope your day turned out happy :-D

Windy Days said...

*Hugs* I hope you feel better soon Aaron. Spending time with myself always clears my head. :)

Make it Easy said...

can i just say: YOU ARE ALL SO GREAT! this is why i love all you blog friends. i REALLY APPRECIATE ALL YOUR THOUGHTS <3

amanda nicole:
that sounds so wonderful to take a walk along the shore. i will try that sometime. thank you lovely

christian:
dont appologize for ranting on. i appreciated it! im so glad you understand what i mean! i live also by a similar motto to yours: "if you cant save yourself, no one else can." we have similar thoughts im sure!
and i HIGHLY encourage you to call/text/email (just get in touch) with those you had trouble with in the past! right your wrongs! it will be SO WORTH IT. i had to learn the hard way...after my father passed away, i realized how stupid all problems were and short life really was: so i emailed every single loved friend i had (no matter if i had problems with them and didnt talk to them anymore), and personally thanked them for letting me know them and everything they did for me as a friend....it changed everything.

jeca:
yes, exactly...its JUST a PHASE :-)

vanessa:
i agree about relationships! they are so confusing, and being single can be just as hard! if it makes you any better, i have been single for almost 2 years all. and im the only one in my group of friends that is single! haha, but im fine with it :-)
i love that advice our father gave you! i realy hope it works for you too :-)

danica:
thank you so much for your thoughts. im already feeling much better!

luuworld:
yes i agree, true self happiness is KEY.
...i am AMAZED with you! all those languages! all that culture. its so special! good for you, such a gift! i am envious :-)
thank you, i hope your days are well too <3

windy days:
*HUG* thank you, i needed that :-)

momo said...

I am sending you a hug too, aron.

Hello Sandwich said...

Ow lovely! are you okay petal?
I am sending you over a nice warm Japanese green tea to cheer you up right now! xxx
Thinking of you love and sending my best wishes to you.
Love Love
Hello Sandwich
xxx

Make it Easy said...

momo + ebony:
THANK YOU <3
**hugs**

marie said...

ill send you a hug too :)
i feel like this often too. but feelings are just part of living and i guess happiness wouldnt feel so great if we never felt low. i also go for long walks, to breath fresh air and being outside away with myself helps me remember what i have thats great, even i it isnt much